Stick with It

This unprecedented cold is really getting the best of us now. Or maybe it's all coincidence. Not every day has been good. Some days are just barely. I have a hard time sleeping and little annoyances get the best of me. One of those things that really bothers me is that I seem to live with people who have a hard time communicating. "Words are hard," I'm told. Apparently. Despite my best efforts to understand and remain interested, the resulting tension in those moments makes the whole thing an ordeal. 

Let me offer some specifics. There's person one, the adult, who would start a sentence, not finish it, proceed to add another word, and another, and then a sigh and then eventually become upset, or yell. I get the fact that it is frustrating when people can't understand you but bridge the gap here and please complete a sentence. I'm not a mind reader. Not yet. I don't take dementia lightly but I do wonder sometimes if that's what this is, some early tell-tale sign of the future. That worries me. 

Then there is person 2, the adolescent. It starts off well. "How was your day?" Then on the subject of lunch, we hit a stalemate when I ask how the Chicken Alfredo is served. It seems that it is very difficult to explain this. "It's on the tray." That's what I got before she got upset. A tray like the one you might put in the microwave? Or is she referring to the tray, like the lunch tray? So then, is it on a plate and you just go to that station and grab one? Or does the lunch lady put it on... I don't know, a disposable bowl, from a huge batch that sits on a warmer. Nobody can ever accuse me of not being interested in what goes on at school. I want to know everything. But see, words are hard. Without those words, I can't even envision how the Chicken Alfredo is served. I just put on some music.

This is one of the things I really hate about the two of them. They don't like talking. I start saying something and I get rudely interrupted and cut off. I can't operate like this. I think I have a real capacity for understanding and I try so very hard to. But I don't like this. I find it highly disrespectful. It does upset me. 

I spent the morning at Target and then after the Chicken Alfredo discussion from hell, I needed to get away from the people who can't communicate so I went to Wegmans to get more groceries. The grocery is a nice escape and I did feel kinda better when I got back home. But this was extremely short-lived. The little things I really hate and the others that I miss, they hit me. In the biting cold, it would be great to get inside as quickly as possible. Not gonna happen if I have to make at least 3 trips to get everything inside. The back of the Sienna is all manual. I miss the Odyssey. I have a choice of pushing a button on the dashboard or on the key and the back opens and closes. Ugh. All the extra steps I have to deal with now. And it's like there is no one home. I climb up the steps with the three bags. Heavy bags. Open the door and there are no lights. I park the bags, go out again, get the other bags. I don't have help. It's as if nobody lives here. I manage to get everything in, lock the car, close the garage door. I put everything away. Rearrange the fridge and freezer a little, to make it all fit and then I go upstairs. I try not to use the powder room. Ever. If anyone had complaints about the powder room, a speck on the toilet seat, maybe the soap is out etc. It's not on me because I don't use it. The only thing is, I have to go upstairs to the master bedroom, to use the bathroom every single time. 

In other news, I'm still working on Landslide and Chris, the new teacher, had a nice suggestion yesterday. I was waffling on whether or not to learn the guitar solo, mainly because my goal for learning to play is to accompany singing, not to show off guitar virtuoso skills. I figured that if I mastered the piece enough to accompany, then I could tackle the solo. In the meantime, do I just play the verse chords, because that seems doable? He suggested, I could adlib. So today, I tried to play the piece in its entirety, just shrugging off the mistakes, and I quite enjoyed being able to do that. I'm familiar with the solo and often sing it in my head but humming a kind of adlib in there to fill it while I haven't yet challenged myself to learn that part, that was a stroke of genius. Landslide isn't coming to me as quickly as Blackbird did. The picking pattern gets muddy at times and it's supposed to be easier than Blackbird so I was confused as to why it's taking me longer to master it. I started to doubt myself a little, if I'm being honest. I checked Ableton's tutorials and I think I understand what people like about it. If I'm trying to create dance music, it's really really easy and requires no instruments. For one second, I considered it. Pre-set chords on Ableton or just getting someone else to play the guitar tracks. Or I could get a little MIDI keyboard or synthesizer. I really just wanted to sing, after all. But now that doesn't fit the vision. I just have to stick with it. 

This was interesting... maybe in the future.

Playlist Recommendation: No Such Thing, John Mayer