We move forward
Resilience. A quick search offers the dictionary definition as "the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties; toughness." Yup. That's the word that came to mind when I opened my eyes this morning. That's one of the things that allows us to move forward. And today that's what we're going to do. That's what we are going to do everyday. We move forward.
I was watching an interview with Jennifer Lopez about her soon to be in theaters Kiss of the Spider Woman. I watched several of her interviews, actually, and I came to the realization that I really like Jennifer Lopez. It isn't about her body of work, which is an amazing collection, if I had to say something about it. It's her. I still remember what is possibly the first time I ever really noticed her. Selena. I watched that with my mom and my mom said, that woman is going to be a star.
OMG I have to stop writing for a little bit. I just remembered my mom. My mom was the greatest woman who ever lived. I can only wish that my children saw me that way. Flaws and all. My mom wasn't perfect but I always felt like, she could do everything and she did it all so well. I don't remember all the things said about her during the funeral but after a slew of realtor friends and colleagues spoke about her, my eldest sister had enough and told us (I think I was holding the mic) that she wanted to speak. The only thing I remember that she said about my mom was, "She was my idol."
I don't know. I don't think I have an idol, really. There was never a dream. But I do wonder if mom had a dream for me. What was she thinking enrolling me in voice lessons? What was her vision for me? Was that it? Surely not the accountant thing. I'm pretty sure she envisioned that I would move away. One of her children, would, at least. But she never got to see any of that, or meet my husband, my children. My dad loves having grandchildren. He adores my daughters. He's going to be 90. I just talked to him yesterday. It was nice to have that connection and a fluid conversation. We always had that.
The other thing that I hope we will always have is art. Everyone is so practical these days but we need to make room for art. Not just studio arts, like painting or sculpture, but music! Movies! These are important. Jennifer Lopez said, on one of those interviews that I saw, "movies and art save us in the hardest times in our lives." I had to grab my phone and write that down. Yes! That is exactly it! THIS IS WHAT IS GOING TO SAVE US! I don't need another person pushing STEM programs to my children when they go to college. There are enough people signing up for Biology and Biotechnology. There is nothing wrong with the humanities. Yes, we need all the doctors and scientists and people to develop all the vaccines, but we need this too. Otherwise, there is no joy, and we are just going to be a bunch of sad zombies when the world ends.
I often joke about the end of the world. Not a joke. I really do this. There's another fire in California. Yup, it's the end of the world. Government shutdown, with no end in sight. End of the world. Corruption in the Philippines has reached a peak, billions of pesos are now being stolen by government officials. End of the world. There are no more paper towels. End of the world. Ok, it's not the end of the world but I imagine that's one of the sure things, right? The paper towel roll will go empty at some point. The world will end sometime. Maybe it won't be in our lifetime. Maybe it won't be caused by an alien invasion, a meteor crashing into the planet or an unprecedented pandemic. Maybe it won't be a fungus like cordyceps. But just knowing, that there's always an ending, wouldn't that inspire you to do that thing that you've always wanted to do, and to do it now? People call it all sorts of things. The bucket list. I don't have a bucket list. But this year, I'm going to do the things that I've always wanted to do.
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| My concert size Yamaha |
1. There really needs to be a dedicated space to record. Moving around from room to room meant wasting lots of time moving the equipment, reconnecting things, finding a spot for something. So I picked a room that I thought gave me the best results (because moving from room to room helped me determine which one was the best for the job) and now I'm going to put decluttering the space at the top of my list, and creating a fixed setup in second.
2. I need practice and lots of it. I already know this, but I also will be repeating every song probably a few hundred times. I need to be ok with that because the perfectionist in me is going to get frustrated when the skills don't come fast enough and the emotions kind of leave, after awhile. And I'm slowly learning that my strength seems to be those emotional, sad, cries and sighs that work themselves into the melody. It makes it sound real. I'm not a belter and I know that, which is why I would never endeavor to join a singing contest because usually, it's the belters who win. I need to lean into the low volume and mic proximity that I know makes me sound pretty good. (Does anybody understand what the heck I'm saying here? I guess you have to wait to hear it.)
3. I also now understand why people really take time off, even go away, to be able to make full-length albums. I'm trying to finish one song and I know it is going to take me days, weeks, maybe even months just to get that one song to a place that I'm happy. I need a plan (that's coming along now) and I am slowly warming up to the idea of collaborating with someone on this project because I know I need help. Like, I really need to have someone who knows how to do this, not just guiding me in the whole recording side of things. I want to sit down with someone who plays guitar, preferably a female singer-songwriter type who can help me with arrangements and maybe give me lessons so, if you know anyone, I'm open to suggestions!
And just like that, we're ok now. Back to regular scheduled programming.
Playlist Recommendation: It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine), R.E.M.
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