the perfectionist

The student claims that her predisposition to perfectionism, as well as her sister's, is because both of her parents are perfectionists. Am I a perfectionist? I always thought, nah, I've made a fool of myself so many times because I don't care enough to bring a perfect performance to the table. But is that actually because I'm not a perfectionist or I've just developed ways to deal with the less than perfect outcomes whilst actually still aiming for perfect outcomes. OMG I am a perfectionist. 

I would argue that there is nothing wrong with wanting to always put our best foot forward (but both feet should be perfect! groan) and doing our best. Do I want my children to do well in school? Yes, of course I do, but I don't need them to get 100 in every subject at the expense of everything else. Health, (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually too if possible) is important and happiness equally. I say, I never push them in the way that a tiger parent might. I don't have those requirements. But I've been told that my expectation for them to be kind and considerate, to be well-behaved, that is a different kind of pressure altogether. It does create real pressure for them too. I'm sorry, kids. I want a balance. I genuinely want for you, whatever it is that makes you happy, but I cannot let go of those core values. They are just as important as getting pretty good grades. Whatever else you want to do with your lives, that is your choice. That is my gift to you. Your future, your choice. 

So I am thinking, my little frustrations with Project50, they are probably also a result of that little perfectionist voice. I want to play music, I want to sing and I want to record. Naturally, I want it to sound very nice. Otherwise, it can't see the light of day. I'm going to obsess over the details, I know. I was just bugging some friends to help me figure out the chords to a certain song and finally, one of them sends me a YouTube video tutorial made by some Filipino guy. I said it seemed like the best version so I will just have to practice more and I should be able to play it. Oh, he explains the strumming pattern too. I was worried about that, along with using chords that I'm not used to rotating. Then my one friend says, don't focus on the strumming pattern too much. You can always do your own thing, whatever is easier and more comfortable for you. The important thing is that you can play it. Thank you, friend, for saying that. It brought me back to the original intention of the project and lifted a little of the pressure. I play because... I enjoy being able to sing along. So, if I toss aside my worries about being judged for my playing and my singing, I should be able to go back to just learning a song, in whatever way is comfortable for me.

I have also decided to declutter my space and now I have a more suitable recording setup. A table made all the difference. I bugged my husband to get one of our old homework desks for the kids and set it up in the room so I have a proper recording spot. It still needs work but it's a step forward. I also got a really cute headphone stand yesterday but sadly, it didn't work out. I gave it to my daughter for her headbands. It's got a tray in the bottom for other hair ties or earrings too. Let me polish up the recording desk and I will show pictures maybe tomorrow.

Playlist Recommendation: You Get What You Give, New Radicals