the challenge

How far does it stretch?

What have I gotten myself into? That was the question that raced through my mind yesterday, along with all the self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. I came to a point where I wasn't sure how to proceed because whenever I attempted to do things, there was always some of kind of roadblock, a little problem that needed solving. There was that big realization that I can't completely DIY the entire project. I mean, I could, but is that the outcome that I really want at the end of a year? I need help and advice. What I've come to find though, is that every time I seek help for something, I have to explain not only what the project is, but a lot of other things that I may or may not want to reveal. Sometimes I feel very proud of myself that I'm just going for it and sometimes I'm a little embarrassed because I am certain that there are definitely people who will think that I'm too old to be doing this or maybe they just won't understand. Ah, that age old fear of being judged. I tell myself to keep it simple, not go into much detail unless absolutely necessary. Need to know basis, right? 

On one hand, it is nice to reconnect with people that I haven't spoken to in ages. Just reach out, get an opinion on equipment, or hey, can you help me figure out if I have the right chords for this? Sometimes, it's downright frustrating because I keep knocking on doors and many times, people don't answer. They don't respond to email. They don't return phone calls. They don't answer text messages or instant messenger. I realize now that the ones who do, now these are the good people. Having said that, I understand that people have lives and jobs and maybe email or text or instant messenger just isn't the best way to contact them. But it needs to be said, when you have a business and you put your phone number on the website, you should answer your phone and/or return messages. The longer you wait, well, that tells me how you're just not interested. 

I was in the car line at my daughter's school yesterday. Most of the high school teachers come out around that time because they dismiss ahead of the middle school. I told the student via text that I had a chance meeting with the HS orchestra teacher. And by that I mean that she was walking to her car and I just shouted her name, "Mrs. ____, do you know a guitar teacher for me?" Despite this very unconventional way of asking, I appreciated how she stopped (not entirely sure if she even remembers me from any of the few times we may have interacted at school) and responded. I was a little afraid of her in the past, as she seemed all business at rehearsals but today I just saw this nice lady who loved what she did for a living, and who genuinely cared about giving me a helpful response. I had seen this once before, in the orchestra room, when I was having a discussion with another teacher. We were at this crossroads where my child wanted to play two orchestra instruments and we were having a tough time navigating that. She chimed in with the most helpful response that really aided me in determining the best path forward. Oh genius, I think I will take her suggestion and email yet another person to see if they know a teacher for me. <sigh>

I have two issues right now. One has to do with the actual performance, that is, I really want a guitar teacher or even just a collaborator who's got actual guitar skills that is willing to figure out easier chords with me and offer suggestions to help me get to the place I want to be at with each piece. The second is this recording business. I find that it is annoying to be my own sound engineer! HAHAHA. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm whining but I guess I have gotten so used to, well, just showing up for recordings and doing my thing. Script is ready and printed, I have all my directions, equipment is set up. I walk into the booth, headphones on, a little mic test, level, we hit record. 15 minute job. 

I guess it's my fault because I'm not organized. I still don't have a dedicated recording space (my husband said that in our next house, I should have a recording room/studio... wish) so yeah, I still spend time moving equipment around. There isn't even a table for me to use in the room that I have decided is best suited for me to record in. So I set my laptop down sometimes on my bed, or a large box that's on top of the ottoman on the foot of my bed. I set up the mic, music stand next to it. Oh, this music stand? I share it with my daughter because it's her music stand and she practices in her room so I have to get it each time and then return it to her room. I really should just get my own. I do have my own stool, which I now leave in the bedroom but when I have to work at the desk in the other room, then I have to move it there. I grab the guitar from the stand, capo, pick. Tuning. Headphones on. Adjust everything, level, then I hit record. It's such a production, OMG. By the time I hit the space bar, I'm just... tired. 

At some point, I decided to just grab the guitar, sit on my special stool and play. No recording, no real agenda or schedule. What do I feel like? Sure, I'll play that from memory. No need to grab the music stand. That was nice. Went about my day. Came back at night, showered, put on the news, got my instrument and just played while David Muir was talking. Let the fingers move instinctively because they remember where they need to go. Maybe that should be the concept. No worrying about how polished it all ends up. Just set down a recorder, pick up my guitar, press record. That Tascam X8 is starting to look really attractive right now. 

Playlist Recommendation: No Surprise, Daughtry