I'm all in

I had dinner with a friend. We had a nice time. Plenty of food, good company and free-flowing conversation. We've known each other for decades so it's not surprising that talking comes easy. We also don't see each other often, maybe a couple times a year, so there is always something new to talk about. So came the subject of a common friend. One I am closer to, than her, so she mentions that they had seen each other over the summer and how this friend of mine/ours is single. To her... still single. To me, just single. It almost seems a point of frustration for her, this friend being single. Is she even looking? This isn't the first time we've had this conversation but it gets me every time. I need to shut this down. 

So why does my friend see it this way? What is the motivation behind the inquiry? Is it mere curiosity or would it be overreaching to call it judgment? I respond to the question in all honesty, I don't know. I believe she is single and I do not know if she is looking. But if you ask me, it's a blessing to be single. Anyone thinking about marriage? We need to have this conversation about why you, fiancée to be, need to be absolutely sure before you jump. MARRIAGE IS HARD. It's a commitment like no other. It requires work, constant work, like, all the effing time. I think it was Jamie Lee Curtis who said, about how she stays married despite rampant divorce in Hollywood, simply: I choose to stay. It's a decision that you affirm every single f... day. Ash might as well be married to Pikachu. Everyday, I choose you.

Truly, I don't think my friend is being intentionally judgmental, if that's what we're calling this. I think she means well and wants the best for our single friend. Maybe it's a measure of success to her, being married, or at least in a relationship. It's not something that I agree with but I can't imagine that she is the only one who thinks this way. Then there was the subject of another friend who quit working to plan her wedding. This was a discussion we had a couple of decades ago, when we were all just newly married. So this other friend, after the wedding, went on to have many children but never actually went back to work. My friend had a problem with that, just sheer incredulity, at the prospect that someone might actually go to school, find a profession and then give up said profession because she was getting married. 

Sometimes I wonder if my friend judges me behind my back for basically doing just that. I am thinking maybe not, because she dared mention "the wedding planner" to me. So, what I'm saying is, I don't think she is being malicious about any of this at all. It's just a difference of opinion. Just like choosing not to marry, choosing to stay home after marrying and having a child is not for everyone, We just have to respect the decisions that people make in their lives and trust, and hope, that it was the right one for them. Do I feel the need to explain myself or defend my decisions? Was it the right call? Honestly, even my own sister worried a little, I think, when I wasn't working. I think she said something like, you should always have a job. This is the same person that said mom was her idol. Uhm, mom stayed home after said sister was born and right up until I was maybe 3rd grade? She was already in her forties when she decided to start over in a new career path. We're not going to start judging mom now. And, I'm not taking it as being judged by my sister, but there was concern.

On the flip side, I did ask one of our younger friends one time, right after her first child was born, so what's the plan now? Would you go back to work or not? I was merely curious and I do hope that she never thought that I was insinuating that she shouldn't go back to work because that's where I was at. Her answer was basically, the thought of not working never crossed her mind because that was the only reason she went to college. Gotta love the sense of purpose there. That was a great answer. I often wonder if my dad thinks I wasted a college education, and then some, because I chose the path that I did. Well, maybe that wasn't the reason I went to college <what do you call the face you make where you do a fake smile and show all your teeth? insert that here>.

There's this server at one of the restaurants that we frequent. This lady is great. I observe the level of service that we get whenever we have her assisting us and it is flawless. The way this woman speaks is just so good. I almost imagine that she is maybe an astrophysicist moonlighting as a server. She seems very smart and sounds so professional. I would never pry but I would really love to know what her story is. Maybe she's MI-6 or something. 

Did I ever tell you about the time I got a job at a call center? This was a very brief stint, a job accepted because I was bored out of my mind and I kept trying to figure out what age the child should be for it to be worth my while to go back to work. Paying for daycare vs any potential income, that was always the equation that needed an answer and luckily, I found a job that didn't require me to put the little one in daycare. It couldn't be more perfect, except I had to be at work at 6PM every weeknight and I was always so wired when I came home that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep until 2AM at the earliest but still had a full day of activities with the child. It was not fun and most certainly didn't pay enough. Funny though, I was usually assigned to cold call individuals and invite them to take a survey and there would be times when the person on the other line thought I was a recording. HAHAHAHA. I still think I was pretty good at that job and my numbers were up there. But yeah, that was a terrible job. No redeeming value whatsoever. 

Thankfully, I had a husband who could see that keeping a job that made me so miserable was never a good thing. I am also thankful that he is willing to make the sacrifices for us, so I didn't have to take said job/s. Sure, I gave up a career to be a stay at home mom for many years but it is such a privilege that I got to stay home and be with my kids for everything. I really don't consider it as giving up anything at all. I never missed a milestone when it came to my children, except that one Halloween when I was in the hospital, but that's a story for another time. And when I needed help, my husband was there. He always is. He may be going through a rough patch, as we all do every now and then, but he's getting over it and I'm choosing to stay because when I said I'd marry him, I already knew that no matter what, I'm all in. 

They called this the amuse bouche

Playlist Recommendation: I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt (Bruce Hornsby also played piano on this and this is in the info for the song but it's not credited in the title. I think it should be.)